This is a poem I wrote a while ago, while I was wrestling with feeling God’s presence on a day to day basis. This poem was inspired by the book/movie “The Shack”. I hope you all enjoy!
I walk into a garden with my lord
He has scars on his wrists and a smile on His face
I have scars on my soul and scared hope in my eyes
I walk into a garden with my lord
I have tears in my eyes
He has a jar to collect them
I walk into a garden with my lord
He tells me to leave my past at the gate,
But if only it were that easy
He tells me to leave my pain at the gate,
But lord, it really isn’t that easy
He collects more of my tears
They are streaming down my face now
He tells me to leave myself and find him instead
I shake and pause and tell Him, okay Lord, I will try
I walk into a garden with my Lord
My bare feet feel damp, rich, hard soil
I stand at the gate
Not ready to take the step
He asks me to keep my eyes on Him
But lord, it feels safe here, I don’t know what waits for me there
He asks me if it actually feels safe there? There, where I am standing
But Lord, my fear, my past, and my pain have their grips on me
He asks me if I believe that He is greater than all of my fear, all of my past, and all of my pain
…. Yes I do, I do believe, I will try
I walk into a garden with my Lord
He grabs my hand
I can see his scar
I take the step
The world behind me vanishes into smoke
I walk into a garden with my Lord
Flowers of every color, shape and size are all around me
Untamed, a mess
I walk in a garden with my Lord
He tells me that this garden is my life
I can believe that, I am a mess
He tells me that I do not understand
What else is there to understand? I see a mess, and my life is a mess
I walk in a garden with my Lord
He asks me why I think my life is a mess
I hurt, I do not understand, and things happen that are out of my
control and far from my reach.
He asks me what are these things beyond my reach.
happiness, no pain, everlasting love- I have no control over those
things
He asks me why I think those things are beyond my reach
I look at Him and answer that I do not know
I walk in a garden with my Lord
One step after another and the garden is more of a mess than before
I look at the mess and feel even worse than before- because this garden is my life
I walk to the center of the garden with my Lord
He has a jar of my tears in His hands
He uses them to water the only patch of soil that has nothing growing on it
Instantly, a beautiful oak tree materializes, in full bloom
It is beautiful I say
He asks me if I finally see
See what? I do not understand
He asks me again if I see
Show me
I am above the garden with my Lord
Finally I do see
Where I before saw a mess, I see a beautiful display of integrate paths
A network of beauty
Beauty that can only be seen through heaven’s eyes
He asks me if I finally understand
I see below me my beautifully integrate life
Full of twists and turns- but that’s what makes it so breathtaking
He tells me that each flower was created when He used my pain, for good, to change someone’s life
He was collecting my tears all along,
I couldn’t see the beauty that He was creating with them
He tells me that I am not meant to see how everything turns out
That is what faith is for
He tells me that my tears were not ignored
He tells me that He was there, through it all, collecting every tear
They were not in vain
Every time that I felt like things were out of my control
It was just me, not being able to see the big picture
I was not able to see through the mess of my life to see the beauty from above
He tells me that that’s when faith and trust steps in
Back on the ground, I walk out of the garden with my Lord
I see the gate in front of me,
On the other side is my fear, my past and my pain
And I am scared to go back
He asks me why I am scared to go back
Because I don’t want You to leave me
He asks me what I think the wind is blowing through my hair, the water falling from the sky, the sun shining above, the smile from a stranger, that feeling that I get where I know that I am not alone, the laughter, the happiness, love. Who do I think is all of that?
He tells me, my child, I have never left you, and I will never leave you
I walk out of the garden, without my lord
I feel the weight of humanity on my chest
And as I turn to look back at the garden, it is gone, and my Lord along with it.
I turn away, and as I do, the wind kisses my face, blowing my hair around my face, and I know, for the first time in my life, that I am walking through my life, with my Lord.