I recently wrote the poem “My Hell”, that I will be posting after this message- I wrote this poem because yesterday I was sharing my testimony about my chronic pain with this girl that I’ve only known for a short time. As I was telling my story, I became aware of how I was telling it. I was cracking some jokes and making light of everything that I have gone through. I was honest about how hard it was but I felt this disconnect from what I was saying and what I was feeling. I realized that I had gotten in a habit of sharing my story without really remembering the Hell that I had gone through. I started to wonder if that was because my brain was trying to protect itself from remembering the pain, if it was a coping mechanism, or something else… either way, I realized that I had forgotten everything I had gone through. As soon as I realized this, all of my past pain has been playing on repeat in my head, and this poem is me trying to deal with this past pain. This is one of the hardest poems that I have ever had to write and I debated if I should even post it. But, I realized that hiding the pain that I have been through will not help anybody. It won’t help me cope with my pain, and it would not help you by taking away a chance to see how God has worked in my life. This poem may not end in the most uplifting way, but the promise that this world is not my home, that I have a home up in heaven with my father who created me- one where pain does not exist, is a promise that I never forget and a promise that I hope you will not forget either. And maybe, hopefully, this poem will help people realize that sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.